http://humorix.org/articles/1998/12/barney/
Barney Attacks Tux Penguin
Fake News written by James Baughn on December 4, 1998
from the that-purple-dinosaur-must-be-eliminated dept.

REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft confirmed today that a 'known issue' exists with 
Microsoft ActiMates Barney toys produced before September 1998. This 'issue'
causes Barney to behave erratically -- even violently -- when in the presence
of any item resembling a penguin.

One parent, Susan McElrath, caught Barney's 'known issue' while taping her
two sons, Jason and Timmy, as they played together one day last March. The
shocking videotape of the incident will be aired next month on the FOX TV
network special "When Toys Attack III".

The two children were playing with their "interactive" Barney toy while
watching a Barney videotape. Meanwhile, Timmy was clutching his stuffed 
Tux the Penguin toy he had received as a birthday present the previous week.

While singing along with the song "I Love Bill. Bill Loves Me...", the Barney
toy suddenly, as Susan later described it, "came to life". It jumped up and
attacked Tux the Penguin while shouting "Die! Die! Die!" Thankfully, before
Barney was able to rip Tux to shreds, it uttered 'Fatal Exception Error'
and froze in place. After Timmy hit the purple dinosaur toy on the left 
side several times, it came back to life and returned to its normal,
non-penguin-attacking behavior.

Since then, both boys have been seeing a child psychologist to try to
overcome their new found phobia of purple dinosaurs and Microsoft products.
"Barney is evil," Jason frequently says.

The McElrath incident is only one of many. Several months ago the
anti-penguin 'known issue' also surfaced in the ActiMates Barney PC
software. Bob Jenkins was using the Barney software to draw and print
out a picture of his house. However, the software printed out something 
else -- a picture of a mutilated penguin with the caption "Die, Tux, Die!"
along with a whole string of expletives. Computer experts believe the 
'known issue' was triggered when the software detected a Linux installation,
used by Bob's father, in another partition. "Where do I want to go today?
Back to the store for a refund!" the enraged father exclaimed.

Another incident occured just last week involving a "Don't Fear the
Penguin...  Fear the Slashdot Effect!" T-shirt. John Barlow was attacked
by his son's Barney toy, which latched on to his penguin shirt and refused
to let go. John had to disable the bezerk Microsoft product by prying lose
its batteries. The toy is now buried under 20 feet of dirt at the local
landfill.

While Microsoft has acknowleged the defect in the Barney toy, a recall has
not been called. Concerned parents may trade-in their current Barney toys
for the new version 2.0 Barney (at a $24.95 expense) which does not contain
the 'known issue'. Call 1-800-PAY-BILL for more information.