Food/Despongification Weapons

• Mark IV Long John Torpedo/missile -- Long Johns enlarged to several feet in length and containing their own propulsion. Once they pierce their target, they ooze either cream or jelly, depending on type. See the info in the vehicle catalog for more data.
• Mark V thermoreacive Long John torps/missiles -- same as the Mark IV, but with filling that automatically warms when it contacts s-m flesh, making it even gooier.
• Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bomb Grenades -- the same as the cereal from Calvin and Hobbes made into a grenade form. Sprays sugar and chocolate over apx 30 sq ft.
• vodkabot (tm) -- security drone. Very similar to the Martinimixermaster, but makes many different beverages from Vodka. (shots, screwdrivers, etc.) Via classified technology recognizes s-ms and can tell them from Jihaddi personnel. These roam the hallways of our HQ serving drinks and providing continuous security.
• Purple Curucifixion -- originally developed by those in the Army stationed overseas. Here's the original recipe:
  • Lots of servicemen, each with his/her favorite alcoholic beverage
  • 1 giant trash can
  • Lots of purple kool-aid
  Pour all beverages and kool-aid into trashcan. Mix well. Drink.

  The kool-aid masks the alcohol completely. The name was originally given because:

  1. it was purple
  2. you didn't know you were drunk 'till you were crucified.
  The name's still appropriate.
  1. drink till you and whatever purple in you is crucified
  2. wake up after a 3 day coma your old self and complete with Functioning Cerebrum (tm)
  Great for de-spongification programs.

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