W.E.D.J.E.E. equipment list

Hand-to-Hand Weapons

• Power Cue -- a custom made pool cue. Only one in existance, owned by Commander Samhain. A carbon-fiber composite pool cue. When turned a half twist past its assembled posistion, it glows with laser light. Slices through nearly anything except its owner, due to the fact it is keyed in on his genetic structure. Only he may use it.
• Whack 'n' slash -- when deactivated, a metal tube about 1' long. When active, laser blades extrude from the ends, making a laser quarterstaff. The tube can be broken in half at any time, making two short swords with laser blades. These can then each be individually switched to create a dual-blade sword by reducing the single blade legth by 1/3 and extruding another blade out the other end. To date, prototyped only and field-tested in operation Strangeluv.
• Monofiliment wristwatch -- a wristwatch with a monofiliment blade spooled inside and a grab ring in place of the winding knob. Pull out, wrap around your enemy's neck, and pull tight. No more noggin'! Can be made out of any normal wristwatch.
• NSB (Neural Stimulator Blaster)-- Fires a blast of energy very close to the electric frequency of a spongified brain carrying a combination of Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, NIN, Weird Al, and many other Jihad approved music. The effect of this weapon is to instantly despongify or instantly kill the targeted perty. On occasion, it has been known to actually produce some of the strongest Jihaddi known from the weakest of spongies. Strangely, it seems to promote growth of a functioning cerebrum in some targets. Not just despongification, but GROWTH.
• Laserblade -- Rather similar to a lightsaber from "Star Wars" this weapon has two other modes: Shield and Blaster. When activated, Shield Mode creates an EM shield between you and the enemy, but costs more power, especially when you're getting hit. Blaster Mode converts it into a compact but powerful blaster with a range of 300 M or so.

Hand-Held Weapons

• Burgermasterblaster (tm) -- rifle, instantly turns a blasted S-M into a greasy, dripping, bacon double cheeseburger suitable for immediate consmption.
• Supershakersoaker (tm) -- rifle, actually modified and improved supersoakers 300s. Small on-board compressors eliminate pumping, and miniturized cooling componentry keep the ammo cool. Ammunition consists of McDonald's shake mix. Sticky enough to immobilize the sponge, then de-spongifies when the entrapped S-M starts licking the goo to free himmerherself.
• Martinimixermaster (tm) -- rifle. Mixes the perfect dry martini (shaken, not stirred) and fires it, along with olives, at the S-M. Despongification is nearly immediate if possible. If not, it shoots a spark at the target causing the alcohol to burst into flames.
• Jello-Shard cannon -- large caliber rifle. Fires Jello cubes made with vodka rather than water. Inflicts massive doses of pain on S-Ms, and leaves jello cubes lying around. Foolish S-Ms may stop and eat the cubes, becoming intoxicated and despongified.
• Particle Beam Rifle -- Powered by rechargeable molecular-distortion batteries, this baby can fire a beam of pure destructive energy for as far as 500 M and still remain fairly accurate. It's rather massive, so it will weigh down your average Trooper, but it's worth the weight.
• Photon Grenade Launcher -- I put this here because it can be carried...it's really a two-man weapon. Fires a magnetic bottle of antimatter at the target. Upon reaching the target, the bottle collapses, and the antimatter reacts with the target, causing a large explosion. Intensity levels can be adjusted from Minor Dent to Total Oblivion.

Return to WEDJEE home

Return to DE home

Last updated: 7/31/95 Warrior Ashur Galand, C-in-C of WEDJEE.